How Arguing Parents Can Hurt Their Child's Mental Health (2025)

No matter how healthy a couple’s relationship is, there are bound to be a few squabbles here and there. Kids can suffer when those occasional disagreements morph into full-fledged parental fighting.

Studies show parents' fights affect their children’s mental health, including increasing the risk of depression and anxiety, lowering self-esteem, and impairing their sense of security.

Physical altercations, insults, and tactics such as “the silent treatment,” are just a few of the toxic interactions that are likely to create some emotional damage to a child in the long run. Keep reading to learn more about how parent fights can negatively impact kids.

Why Parent Fights Are a Problem

Children of all ages, from near infancy through early adulthood, are impacted by how their parents handle their differences. Researchers believe high-conflict marriages take a toll on a child’s mental health and self-esteem. Here are some of the ways kids are impacted.

• It can cause insecurity. Fighting undermines kids’ sense of security about the stability of the family. Children exposed to a lot of fighting may worry about divorce or wonder when one parent’s silent treatment is going to end. It becomes difficult for them to have a sense of normalcy in the family since fights may be unpredictable.
• It can affect the parent-child relationship. High-conflict situations are stressful, and a stressed-out parent might not spend a lot of time with their kids. In addition, the quality of the relationship may be affected, as it may be difficult for parents to show warmth and affection when they’re angry with each other.
• It can create a stressful environment. Overhearing frequent or intense fighting is stressful for kids and can be scary. Stress can take a toll on their physical and psychological well-being and interferes with normal, healthy development.

Long-Term Mental Health Effects

A 2012 study looked at the effect of parental conflict on children from kindergarten through seventh grade. When their children were in kindergarten, the parents were asked how much conflict they experienced in their marriage. They were also prompted to talk about a difficult topic, such as finances, and researchers assessed how critical the partners were of one another.

Seven years later, researchers followed up with the families. Both the kids and the parents were asked about fighting in the parents’ marriage and the emotional and behavioral health of the kids. Kindergarteners with parents who fought frequently were more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and behavioral issues by the time they reached seventh grade.

However, those aren’t the only issues kids are likely to face when their parents fight often. Here are some things researchers have found when examining the effects of parental fighting on kids.

Decreased cognitive performance

Researchers learned that when parents fought often, kids had more difficulty regulating their attention and emotions.

Their ability to rapidly solve problems and quickly see patterns in new information was also compromised. Meanwhile, other studies have found that living in a high-conflict family increases the odds of dropping out of high school and getting poor grades.

Relationship issues

Being exposed to parental fighting increases the chances that kids will treat others with hostility. It’s common for kids to solve sibling squabbles with the same tactics they’ve witnessed their caregivers using.

Children may also struggle to maintain healthy relationships as adults if they’ve grown accustomed to family discord, or they may struggle to identify who they can trust in life.

Behavior problems

Parental conflict has been linked to increased aggression, delinquency, and behavior problemsin children. Additionally, children are more likely to have social issues and difficulty adjusting to school.

Eating disorders and physical issues

Several studies have linked eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia, to high parental discord. A child might also have physical effects from the fighting, such as sleep problems, stomachaches, or headaches.

Substance use

Researchers have found that living in a home with high levels of conflict increases the odds of smoking, vaping, binge drinking, and marijuana use, relative to a low-conflict family.

Negative outlook on life

Children raised in high-conflict homes are more likely to have negative views of their family relationships. They're also more likely to view themselves negatively.

Extensive research shows that children exposed to parental fighting can have low self-esteem and other mental health concerns—and these impacts last into adulthood.

When Parental Fighting Becomes Problematic

All parents should take a close look at how they argue. Just because your fights don’t get physical doesn’t mean they aren’t harmful to your kids. There are several tactics parents use that are destructive to children.

So, while you might think walking away from an argument and giving your partner the silent treatment for three days isn’t a big deal, it can have lasting consequences for your kids. Your children see how you handle disagreements and they learn problem-solving, emotion regulation, and conflict-resolution skills from you.

It’s also important to think about the message that you’re sending to your kids about loving relationships. If you and your partner treat each other with disrespect, your kids will grow up thinking that it’s OK to do the same—and perhaps they’ll believe it’s OK to let others treat them poorly, too.

Diminishing the Effects of Parent Fights

Having a spat or two doesn’t mean you’ve irreparably harmed your child. However, you might want to take a few steps to lessen the effects of what they see and hear.

If your disagreement grows disrespectful, here's how to address the situation with your kids:

• Discuss the fight: Although you don’t have to get into specifics, hold a family meeting to say something like, “Daddy and I had an argument the other night that got out of hand. We didn’t have the same opinion on something that was important to both of us, but it was wrong for us to fight like that.”
• Reassure the kids: Stress that the argument isn't indicative of bigger problems. Reassure them that you still love each other and that you’re not going to get divorced (assuming, of course, that it’s a true statement).
• Bring closure: Make sure your children understand that you’re still a strong family. Explain that arguments happen sometimes and people can lose their tempers. However, you all love each other, despite your disagreements.

If you believe that your fights with your spouse or partner are harming your child’s mental well-being, consider seeing a therapist.

Are Kids Better Off in Two-Parent Families?

There's no better or worse family structure. Kids can thrive in single-parent and two-parent homes, plus any other arrangement, such as living with extended family. What matters most is that kids are safe, loved, and supported—and that their basic needs are met.

While divorce can take a psychological toll on kids, partners who co-parent respectfully can offset the potential harm to the kids from splitting up.

Kids who grow up with single parents often experience other problems—like economic issues—with greater frequency than kids who grow up in two-parent families. And clearly, remarriage and living in a blended family can be complicated for kids, too.

That said, living in a high-conflict home is likely to be equally as stressful—or perhaps even more stressful for kids—than if their parents separated. Additionally, when parents get along during and after a divorce, kids usually don’t experience long-lasting emotional scars.

If you find yourself in a high-conflict relationship, staying together for the kids might not do your children any favors. It’s important to seek help to reduce the conflict or make changes to the relationship so that your kids can grow up happier and healthier.